Complainers & Needy People; Ain't Nobody got Time for That

I'm constantly surprised at the length some people will go to complaining about their situation in life. In some instances, I've heard these people talk about their predicament for years at a time. They go on to describe, over and over, their horrific experiences of injustice, abuse, neglect, being over worked, under paid, taken advantage of and humiliated. At times they are explaining their current place of employment or talking about an ongoing situation with a 'good' friend of theirs. Other times they are saying that they never have anytime for themselves.

Here is my number one problem with this: If everything is as bad as you say it is, then why don't you put a stop to it? Why would you tolerate abuse consistently for years? Why would you let yourself get repeatedly back stabbed by the same 'good' friend? Why would you work for an employer who is harassing you and threatening you constantly?

So what's wrong with these people? It's hard to say because I struggle with this myself.

I believe the ultimate answer is: Fear.

Fear of what exactly? I guess it differs from person to person. Fear of change. Fear of rejection. Fear of loneliness. Fear that no matter what you do, things will always be like this.

My mother raised me to have a pretty solid back bone. I was taught from an early age to take responsibility for my own situation. I was encouraged to stand up for myself, and for others and to never tolerate abuse. Of course this Gold Standard teaching is hard to live up to all the time. I've had situations where I did tolerate abuse and humiliation, situations where I put myself and my values on the back burner.

I have vivid flash backs from my early twenties. I'm trembling with fear, weeping, while my ex-husband yells at me and terrorizes me, making accusations and calling me a 'cry baby'. I feel helpless and alone. I think to myself, "this must be what every one else goes through when they fight... he's just under a lot of stress lately... maybe I am pathetic, no one else would love me enough to want to marry me." The thought of those days makes me furious. Why didn't I stand up for myself? Why didn't I punch him right in the face? How is it that I tolerated such humiliating and abusive behaviour? And in the end, why wasn't I the one to file for divorce?
All I can say is that I was young and in love. A cliche that I've come to loathe.

I am a firm believer that you teach people how to treat you. You teach them firstly, by the way you treat yourself. If you don't respect yourself, nobody else will. Of course that theory doesn't come with a guarantee but it's a pretty good start off in the right direction. Standing up for yourself can be terrifying. It takes practice. The act of standing up to someone and nobly declaring yourself as a 'worthy person' who deserves respect and dignity can make you feel like a total idiot.

 If you don't like the way things are; Change it! You're the master of your own ship. You direct yourself and your choices. You're responsible for your own life. I understand we all have personal constraints; financial, environmental, social, emotional, etc., but there's always some 'wiggle room'. No matter what your predicament in life is, you have a choice. If you don't like where you are, make a change. Even if it's a just a tiny change at first.

I have had employers take advantage of me and harass me. Guess what? I found a different job. I've had friends hurt me and lie to me. Guess what? I blocked them on facebook and found new friends. I've lived in towns or cities that were no good for me and had no job prospects. Guess what? I moved. I've had people try to take advantage of me and constantly ask me for favours. Guess what? I learned to say, "No". I've had coworkers bully me. Guess what? I wrote to my union and supervisor and had the issue dealt with. I've had my marriage fall apart at the seams, leaving me completely devastated. Guess what? I went to my family and friends for support, eventually recovered and moved on with my life.

If you choose to work in a negative environment; or if you choose to continue with abusive or negative relationships... then you have no right to complain about it. More often than not I see people who would sooner complain about their predicament in life rather than change it. I have only so much sympathy to go around, and so does everyone else. If you are actively choosing to be a victim then nobody can help you. And maybe, just maybe, you secretly like being the victim. Maybe you like getting people's sympathy all the time. Sure.. why not? It feels good... I'll be the first to admit it.

But I'll give you a little pearl of wisdom; there's no power in playing the victim. And 'the act' of being the constant, helpless person in need gets old fast. You become a real burden to be around. 'Needy' people, who aren't really in need, are in my opinion highly toxic to relationships and typically overly dramatic people.

Although these individuals serve the purpose of providing an Iconic Image to all human beings of "What Not to Be Like", as well as providing fodder for blog posts, I typically avoid them like the plague.


Cheers,
Bootsy