Welcome to the Ottawa Marriott Hotel's 20th floor suite, room 2031... the starting point of a fun and amazing journey known as "The Bachelorette Party". Awe... Look at me all cute on the bed with my champagne bottles, tiara, my maid of honor's 'first communion' veil, and a "Bride to Be" Sash! Who wouldn't want to marry me!!??? Well, probably my ex-husband for starters... but I digress.
The evening starts off with my maid of honor showing up at the wrong "Marriott" hotel. Who would have know that there are five of them in the Ottawa area? That's OK though... I chillax in the Hotel lobby and touch up my lip gloss. Shortly thereafter she arrives with our other co-pilot for this magic carpet ride, who's carrying a big, Rubbermaid, storage container! I'm thinking, "This is going to be a good night".
We get to our suite on the 20th floor and move on to the most important part of the night... Drankin! Champagne bottles be poppin, the cheese is being cut (literally), mandatory hummus and asiago dips are being opened, and my laptop is blasting a well crafted, personally tailored 'Bachelorette Party' song list that includes: 'Ladies Night' by Kool and the Gang, 'Buttons' by the Pussycat Dolls and an obligatory New Kids on the Block song, 'Step by Step'.
Party Mode has just been cranked up to 11!
After two bottles of bubbly, getting our make up on and figuring out what we're going to wear for the evening we head down to the lobby where a dashing hotel attendant hails us a taxi... how very debonair!
We head to a great restaurant called SideDoor and take part in trying out their "renowned" tacos. After placing our order I make a joke about their 'famous' nine dollar tacos probably being the smallest tacos in the world... lol... and of course, they are. But Hey! We're at a fancy Ottawa Restaurant! Of course the food is going to be small and over priced... I'm not paying... it's all good! ;)
From there we head to Yuk Yuk's Comedy Club and are totally impressed with a triple, female comedian line up. These ladies were so funny! The headliner had opened for Jim Carey and Jerry Seinfeld! We had drinks, laughed and even mingled with the comedians after the show (I even became Facebook friends with one of them... I know right? Pretty intense). One of the male audience members was having his Bachelor Party that night as well... which probably explains why he was dressed in drag??? Is this a thing??? Anyway, he told me I was apparently on his "To Do" list for the night. Come on people.. I don't mean it like that... I guess he was supposed to find and dance with a girl who's having her Bachelorette Party that same night. Bonjour! Let's Boogie!
This was a night of 'firsts' for me! I had never been to a comedy club before and I had also never been to a Gay bar before... So off to The Lookout we went! I really loved this place. It was so friendly and fun! We caught the tail end of a drag show which was amazing, had more drinks and danced. This place also marked my personal 'pony tail time' for the night. This is when, as a lady, you try to wear your hair down for as long as possible during a night out because you apparently "look better" with your hair down. At some point, you feel so hot and sweaty that you just can't stand your hair touching your face and neck anymore... and this is when 'pony tail time' happens!
So because we are young and inquisitive women we keep the party train rolling and head to a posh club called the Moscow Tea Room. Immediately I think... "Oh God... with all of the rising tensions in Russia and Ukraine how is this going to pan out??" But, once we get there it seems pretty chill. The bar is filled with older, chivalrous Persian and European men. My maid of honor is in Heaven. She says to me, "Can we stay here forever?". The walls are filled with expensive bottles of vodka, large gold framed artwork and from the ceilings hang elaborate crystal chandeliers. This place is gorgeous! And so are the female bar tenders... holy crap! Apparently to work here you must be a 19 year old anorexic.That's cool though... my jealousy scale only hits a 6/10 when I think of how hungry they must be.
Obviously after a night of drinking and super, heavy "Bachelorette" Partying... one must consume greasy, unhealthy food. So we head to the worst place imaginable.... McDonald's!!! What better place to commit a violent slew of deadly 'Diet Sins' than Rotten Ronnie's on Rideau St?
We get our food and sit near the front window which was our first mistake. Of course... a fight breaks out. It's pretty hard to chew food and swallow when there's an imminent threat of danger. We first see a small male employee escorting a large, angry male out of the restaurant followed shortly by another large, angry male and a group of people. The fight continues right outside our window where we're eating. This is obviously going to be a pleasant dining experience. On the side walk, just outside the window, the same two large men are now on the ground, and one of them is in a head lock. The guy 'giving the head lock' is making direct eye contact with me... through the window... while I'm eating my cheeseburger. This is so odd. I'm immediately at a loss for 'rules of etiquette' for this situation. Should I look away? Should I 'out stare' him? Should I express disapproval? Should I go 'Gladiator Style' and give the thumbs down to say 'Finish Him!'? I'm a nurse... should I try to break it up and provide medical assistance? So... Ultimately, I go with option F and say, "Let's get the Hell out of here!".
By the way, if you're ever visiting Ottawa, never offer a cab driver a credit card. They will become super irate and cranky and yell at you, "What!! No body has a ten dollar bill???!!! It's just Ten Dollars?? You don't have a ten dollar bill???!!!". This was the part of the night where I had my 'mega bachelorette bitch' moment and politely tore a strip out of the cabby. I let him have it and said, "It's 2014!!!! A credit card is a perfectly acceptable form of payment!" Let that be a lesson to him. Bachelorette-1, Cabby-0
All in all, it was good ole fashioned fun! Of course, I'm excluding various stories of excessively indulgent and debaucherous acts that totally took place during the night... but would be uncouth to blog about ;)
I'll end this with a new Pinterest trend of a Before and After shot of the Bachelorette Party...
Before: Bride, 7:30pm
Morning After: 9:20am