Saturday, May 19, 2018

Contrary To Popular Belief: Being A Stay-At-Home Mom Is Not A Vacation





There are a lot of opinions and misconceptions about what being stay-at-home parent is all about. Surprisingly, some individuals see it as a sort of glamorous vacation filled with constant shopping sprees, Starbucks lattes, pajamas and pedicures. Others see it as being a lazy, noncontributing member of society. 

Seriously people???

I am currently a stay at home mother of a 2.5 year old and (because life wasn't interesting enough) I'm also 33 weeks pregnant.  
Is my life a non-stop holiday? I can safely answer, "No."


Before becoming a mother I worked as a nurse for many years in various areas of Health Care (i.e. Geriatrics, Psychiatric Health, Medical/Surgical Care, Neurology, Transport Nursing, Complex Care) and had recently completed my certification in advanced foot care.  Throughout high school and my years studying in college and university I have worked many odd jobs to pay the bills.  Everything from casual, part time, full time, over time, day shifts, night shifts, minimum wage, less than minimum wage and at one point (when I was a full time university student), I had 3 part time jobs.  I've had so many different jobs it's a bit crazy: fast food cashier/drive thru attendant, waitress, educator assistant, car sales person, bar tender, tanning salon laundry attendant/tanning bed wiper, actress, grocery store cashier, personal support worker, health educator and stock checker. 

Soooo... speaking from a little bit of worldly, life experience I can honestly say that being a stay at home mom is the most challenging, exhausting, all-encompassing, mentally/emotionally/physically draining job I've ever had. (Not to mention the most fulfilling, wonderful, meaningful, joyous one too!)  :D 




That's why it really burns my biscuits when I hear super ignorant comments from people who obviously don't have the first sweet clue about what it means to raise humans.

"What do you do to keep busy all day?"

"It must be great to stay at home all day in your pajamas!"

"I could never stay at home with my kids... my job gives me a sense of purpose in life."

"Owning dogs is harder than raising children." 

"You are so lucky you don't have to work."

"You're at home all day so you should have time to _______ (insert random activity that you have no time for)." 


Give me a break!

Here's a newsflash... If you think that being a stay-at-home parent is some sort of lazy holiday then you've obviously never done it before OR you've just done a crappy job of it.

In a 2011 article by Forbes magazine the value of a stay-at-home mother was estimated at around $115,000 per year (most of that coming from overtime). The researchers also calculated that these moms worked, on average, a 100 hour work week (I knew I felt tired for a reason). Most of their pay came from working overtime hours. 


Just in case you were wondering what a stay-at-home parent does all day...  I'll tell you!

-Make meals and snacks, pack snacks for outings
-play with my child (toys, building blocks, musical instruments, hide and seek), dance, sing
-supervise independent play (which never lasts very long lol)
-go on outings to the park or play groups
-(if it's winter) spend 20 mins getting my kid into her snow gear
-walk the dogs
-read stories, go over the alphabet, word recognition, practice counting
-color, paint, make crafts, bake together
-visit with family
-constant general hygiene: face/hand washing, clothing/diaper changes
-potty training currently
-going to random appointments (doctor, midwife, dentist, vet clinic)
-picking up groceries when needed/running errands
-explain/teach things, talk to my child about her emotions, encourage positive behaviors/discourage negative ones, help her identify how she's feeling, encourage helpful coping mechanisms 
-settle/cuddle for naps/bedtime
-pick up toys (which is getting harder by the day lol), encourage my child to help pick up toys (which actually takes longer than just picking them up myself)
-package up left over food
-general house cleaning/tidying up
-bath in the evening before bed





Let's compare my typical stay-at-home mom "work day" with the average person's work day (8 or 12 hour shift). I'm usually up at 6 am with our daughter when she wakes up, and she normally doesn't go to bed until 9 pm.  That adds up to a 15 hour work day. My daughter normally naps 1-1.5 hours every afternoon, which gives me a break (I always try to lay down and rest when she naps... the dirty dishes can wait! lol).  Once she goes to bed I'm not technically done my "shift".  Bedtime is when I start my overnight "ON CALL" duty!  

My husband works alternating 12 hr Day and Night shifts, so there are sometimes long stretches where I'm 'flying solo' as a parent while he's either working or sleeping. Although the demands can be overwhelming at times, I am very blessed with help.  When my husband isn't working he is very helpful with our daughter and house hold chores/errands.  He's a very supportive, hands-on-father and can do everything I do to care for our child.  My mother also lives nearby and is a constant source of support for our family.  
I consider myself very fortunate! 





When it comes to time for myself, it's limited (as it should be... I'm a mom right? lol).  I have moments of down time here and there where I can check my Facebook or email, but I have no designated "coffee" or "lunch" break.  I have to take the moments as they come to sit, rest, eat, and use the bathroom. It's like an endurance run, I have to pace myself. 

Don't get me wrong though, I have my "lazy mom" moments too.  My daughter only sleeps through the night 50% of the time, so there are many mornings where I'm really exhausted.  Sometimes I just plunk my kid down on the couch and let her watch 'Ready Steady Wiggle' for longer than she should while I drink strong coffee and wish I were laying on a beach somewhere. You can't be 'Mom of the Year' everyday! lol






Another aspect that makes stay-at-home parenting so difficult is the isolation.  You're by yourself most of the time and 'adult' interaction is rare.  I don't think I realized how much of my 'social life' was actually based around my career.  Since leaving my position at the local hospital, I've pretty much lost contact with most of my co-worker 'friends'.  There are no after work 'get-together's' anymore, no Christmas parties; and when I do meet up with my old co-workers, I am so out of the loop that I can't really keep up with the conversation.  It's not like there's zero social life for me now, but I definitely have to make more of an effort to get that time in with friends.

Raising kids at home isn't for everyone.  For our family, it was a decision my husband and I made together based on two major factors: 

#1. Finances. We are able to live comfortably on one income. (Sure it means we do without some extra luxuries, but luckily, we're not really into mass consumerism and accumulating "stuff" anyway.)

And

#2. I really want to take care of my own children and have this precious time with them.



Being a full time, stay-at-home mom isn't some sort of holiday filled with endless amounts of free time and facials.  Let's not devalue one of the most important and valuable jobs a parent can undertake.


Cheers!
Bootsy

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