Perhaps it's always been this way, but in today's society women are completely ashamed and mortified about their poop. I am writing this blog in hopes that it may provide a beacon of hope for your bum as well as liberate you from any anxiety you may have about dropping your 'Keester Cakes'!
Ladies... there is no need to feel embarrassed about this. It's a totally normal physiological process that everyone on earth experiences everyday... or several times a day. Don't fear these moments.. embrace them! The extent of some people's anxiety about 'Emptying the Manure Spreader' is quite astounding. I know of some women who are so paranoid about dropping the big 'Sea Pickle' at work that they literally will hold in their 'Cattle Cookies' until they get home. Other ladies have told me that they won't lay out their 'Captain's Log' until their husband is out of the house. Come on girls, let's not be ridiculous.
One of the first steps in gaining confidence in this area is realizing that everybody's shit stinks. It's just science.
The next step is preparing yourself for a pleasant and safe 'bathroom experience'. Find yourself a nice, little, 'secret bathroom'. I call them 'The Secret Poo Bathrooms'... every work area has one. Perhaps it's that cozy, one stall bathroom in the basement of your work building, or maybe it's that private restroom at the mall that's supposed to be for "Families" only... well guess what? You've got a family of 'Sewer Serpents' ready to hit the toilet so get in there!
Feeling a sense of privacy and control over the situation will help calm your nerves during this exciting and happy part of your day.
A helpful technique for 'smell reduction' is flushing the toilet while you're in the act of launching the 'Brown Missile'. This is also known as a 'courtesy flush'. The loud 'flushing' sound is also good cover for any embarrassing sounds coming from your 'Ham Flower'. It's always beneficial to carry a small bottle of body spray or scented hand lotion in your purse. This will help to counteract any nasty 'Black Banana' odors lingering around in the bathroom.
With all of this new found confidence and tricks of the trade you're well on your way to making 'Grunt Sculptures' like a champ!
Best of Luck ;)
Bootsy
This is a truly educative post and I am overly glad I saw it today. You made out some really nice points and I can't agree it at all and all I can do at this time is to bookmark it and share with my friends. Thanks for this nice piece of information.
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