Thursday, February 6, 2014
Don't Marry Him!!
So I just read this great article discussing the 'not-so-comfortable' topic about possibly marrying the wrong person. Yikes!!! And just in case you were wondering, I can talk about this subject personally because I have experienced this First Hand ladies!!...so all the haters can shut their cake hole and listen up :D
Here's the article I read... but I think I can "one up" them in a few areas ;)
Okay.. so just off the top of my head here's my list of Red Flags:
1. How do they treat their Enemies?
Does your better half have a sick, twisted idea of revenging every wrong deed done against him and painting a world of hurt around each and every one of his enemies? Do they say things like, 'They'll get what they deserve." or "Paybacks a bitch!"? If you answered 'yes' consider this a big, fat, Red Warning Flag! Because guess what? ... when things start going sour with you two, and the claws come out.. he's going to seek revenge on YOU. How do they treat their Ex-girlfriend or Ex-Wife? If they relish in making other people's lives a living Hell.. then get ready to receive that flame thrower one day when the tables are turned and you're on the receiving end.
2. Are you helping him get out of Debt?
Sometimes it seems so 'convenient' when people all of a sudden find the love of their life.. as well as their Meal Ticket out of financial ruin. This really pisses me off because I've spent too many good years of my life helping someone else out of their debt.. all in the name of Love :) If I could go back in time ten years and kick myself in the ass I Would! Some people are such train wrecks that they naturally gravitate toward someone who's got their crap together. This new 'love of their life' is not only is their 'soul mate' but also offers the luxury of a Bright, Shining, Perfect credit rating! Wow! Must be true love. If you find yourself having to pay for everything and put all of your finances and purchases in YOUR name.. guess what? RED F-ing FLAG!!
3. Has that True Love of your Life ever cheated on you?
It's one thing to be pleasantly blindsided by this total, Dick-weed move.. but if you're going into a marriage with the knowledge that your partner is or has been unfaithful... Well, it's seems so stupid to even have to connect the dots here but... Big Friggin Red Flag People! The best part of infidelity is all the reasonable explanations that come up: "I was lonely", "I was drunk", "I was high", "I wasn't thinking straight baby.. it meant nothing!". Trust me ladies.. there's hope for you. Seriously, there ARE men out there who don't have to stick their dick in everything that walks. Move on! Red flag.
4. Are you the reason for every problem?
Passive-Aggressive, Dick Head move 101: "No matter what you did wrong, blame the other person". This works for all kinds of bad deeds. If he spent the night out with friends and blew hundreds of dollars... well that was because IF he had asked you, you would have said 'No' anyway. Did he cheat on you? Well that was because you weren't fulfilling his needs sexually. Did he forget your Birthday or Anniversary.. well, you expect too much of him all the time and (here's my personal favourite line) "I can't do ANYTHING right". Well, he sure as hell hit the nail right on the head with that statement. If you can't talk about your problems without your partner turning the argument back on you... you guessed it. Red Flag.
5. Belittling you when you Cry
This here is the ultimate example of a real, class act gentleman. If you've just had an argument, and you're upset and crying does your 'better half' get a kick out of demeaning you with, "Keep crying you Cry Baby.", "Why don't you call your mother and tell her what a monster I am", "You're just crying to MANIPULATE me into feeling sorry for you." Just recalling these words that I've personally heard makes me so furious. If I was half the woman then, as I am now, things would have been SO different. I wouldn't have shed a tear for such a waste of a human being. That being said: Red Flag ladies.. move on.
#6. Does he behave 'inappropriately' with other women?
Maybe you're thinking.. "Get your crap together Bootsy.. you already covered this topic in #3: Cheating." Well, once again, you're wrong. I'm talking about... well... just weird stuff. Maybe some things you can't really quite put your finger on but they that make you feel uncomfortable nonetheless. I don't know how many women DELUDE themselves with the "I don't care if my boyfriend go to the strippers", or "I don't mind that my boyfriend would rather whack off to Porn than have sex with me". Seriously!!??? Oh my God.. I get it ladies that your self esteem is in the toilet but could we just PRETEND for once to have some class or self respect??? When I hear women say this to me the first question I ask is, "Okay, lets say your man just came home from a night out at the strippers, got a few lap dances and is now super Horned up.. and wants it from you." Usually by this point in the scenario the woman has a totally disgusted look on her face and says, "I don't think so! He's not getting anything from me. But I don't care if he goes." I call bullshit! Why would you even be Remotely Annoyed at him if you thought he didn't do anything wrong? Well.. I guess that would be easier than just admitting to yourself that, 'this sack of sh-t could do pretty much anything he wanted because I have the self esteem of a crack whore and am too terrified to lose him.' I even know of situations where someone's about to marry a man who's been convicted multiple times of sexual harassment and being sexually inappropriate in the work place. I'm not sure where the line between innocence and ignorance lies.. but it's definitely something that should put up a big, fricken Red Flag!
#7. Would you hope to raise a son that would turn out to be just like your boyfriend?
Perhaps love IS blind... but I think this question evokes an instinctive, visceral reaction. Listen to that reaction ladies. If the thought of spawning a replica of your own personal Prince Charming makes you want to vomit and crap your pants at the same time... Red Flag!
Well, you get the idea. Or maybe you don't. I'm not saying that everyone's perfect and that no one can make any mistakes.. but I think there's a truth that lies within all of these extreme examples. Even if you're not ready to break it off with your partner, I think it's good to be honest with yourself about what you're getting into. There were definitely Red Flags that waved brightly in my face years ago.. I didn't listen to them. I didn't always stand up for myself and Love myself... but I believe that the first step in a relationship is being able to 'call a spade a spade', and looking at the truth even if it's not pretty. Even if it makes you feel sad. Own up to where you are in life, and who you're choosing to make a new life with. It can only help you ... and help prevent the spawning of demon children :D