How to Get Married on a Budget

The average Wedding these days costs anywhere from $20,000- $50,000. Where I come from.. that's just plain crazy talk! I'm naturally a thrifty person who came from very humble beginnings so when I hear numbers like these I get very nervous. Especially when it involves trying to plan my own Wedding!

I think one of the biggest deterrents couples have for getting married these days is the amount of money they think they have to spend on their wedding. We've all been to big, elaborate Fairy Tale weddings that other people have had and honestly, it's quite intimidating. There's an unspoken expectation in your own head that you have to 'follow suit' and do something similar.

Our society has created this big 'Wedding Industry Monster' that tries to dictate what you think have to do for your Big Day. But you don't have to do any of that crap! You and your partner can make your special day anything you want! It's Your Day! If you don't want to rack up $20,000 dollars in debt for one day.. guess what? You don't have to! There's other options :)

I am recently married and have decided to blog about how we saved over $5000.00 on our Wedding Day! I enjoy being thrifty... BUT, I like things to be nice and classy too. Here's how you can have the best of both worlds :)

Here are 8 ways we saved money for our Wedding!


#1 The 'Do-It-Yourself' Factor

I made my own bouquets the day before the wedding and saved a tonne! I bought 3 different bunches of flowers at Costco for a total of $40.00. There were some left over flowers that I used for decorations around our house.
(Costco flowers: $40 vs. Florist $300-$600)

For the Wedding Reception I created my own Playlists and used my home stereo system.
(Homemade playlist $0 vs DJ/Live Band $500-$1000)

For the reception we purchased meat for the BBQ and ready-made side dishes from Costco.
(Costco Food $200 vs Caterer $1500-$2400) 

Through the months leading up to the wedding I would pop into Value Village or the Salvation Army and pick up decorative pieces little by little. Our wedding theme was an "English Country Garden Wedding", so I would get colored glass vases, glasses, silver serving dishes, candle holders, and linens.
(Thrift shop decorations $100 vs Buying new $200-300)

I had flower arrangements through out the house made up from a mixture of store bought flowers ($30) and Wild Flowers growing in a nearby field (FREE)
(Flowers $30 vs Florist arrangements $100-300)

#2 Borrow don't Buy

My Maid of Honor offered to lend me her own wedding veil and jewelry. Even though I opted out of wearing the veil last minute, it still would have been a killer savings!
(New vs Borrowed... equals a savings of $130-$200)

She also lent me her own Vera Wang champagne flutes.
(New Vera Wang vs Borrowed equals a savings of $100)

We borrowed serving dishes, fine china and some extra linens from family members.
(New vs Borrowed equals a savings of $200-400)

#3 Look at your own Inventory

One of my first wedding resources was our own Home. Why buy new stuff if it's already sitting around your home buried away. I found that a lot of the decorations I had wanted to purchase for our wedding were items that we already owned.

I found Flower vases hiding in the cupboard (savings $30-50), candle holders (savings $50), tea lights (savings $5-10), and a nice pair of Nude high-heel shoes that were the perfect height for my wedding dress (savings $100-$200). 

Transportation to the church and reception? How about your own damn car! lol   My mom drove me and some family members to the church in my car and the Groom drove to the church in his own car. After the wedding we taped up our little homemade Bristol board cut out heart "Just Married" ($1)  in the back of his car window and put ribbons on the antenna ($1)
(Car decor savings $20-30).

My new Husband and I drove to the photo shoot together alone. It was so nice to be in his big old familiar Buick, having some precious alone time after a very hectic morning. From the church my mom drove my car to the photo shoot location with some other family members.
(Total transportation cost: $5 dollars for gas maybe?? :)  So, because we didn't rent limos for the big day that's a savings of $200-500!)

#4 Everything's Negotiable

In any service or product there's always some wiggle room ;)

Every photographer offers their own special Wedding Packages but maybe you're not interested in all the extras that are jacking up the costs.  Break it down to personalize it for your own needs. We only wanted a couple hours of photography, no prints, and no album.  The photographer originally was offering $275 for his wedding package, but after negotiating a bit he eventually knocked the price down to $200 for just the services we specifically wanted.
(Savings $75.... But if you compare our Personalized Package vs "Normal" Wedding packages this equals a savings of $600-$3000)

Originally, a local Hair stylist was offering to come to my hotel room and wanted to charge $80 for my up-do, $60 for my bridesmaid's up-do and $30-40 for each flower girl. After negotiating back and forth a little she ended up coming down to $50-60 per up do and $20 per flower girl.
(Savings $40)

Also... looking at the sales racks really helped us out! Sean's suit was on sale for $175 at Tip Top Tailor and my Wedding dress was also on sale for $369 at David's Bridal!
(savings $800-$2000)

#5 Local Resources: Thrift Shops & Kijiji

I absolutely love Value Village, The Salvation Army and little antique shops. They have great decorative items that are perfect for any wedding theme. Given that our theme was "English Country Garden" these shops provided plenty of unique colored glass vases, glass wear, sterling silver serving platters, linens, and discount china. When looking for personalized services I found Kijiji to be a great resource. They have plenty of options for local photography, make up, hair, nails, waxing, DJ's and some really affordable, previously used wedding decor. We hired both our photographer and hair stylist from Kijiji ads and were very pleased with the results.


#6 Wedding Reception at Home

It's considered unorthodox to have your reception at your home but really people.. your wedding is Whatever you want it to be... and Where ever you want it to be. It's also a good excuse to give your home a deep clean and get things organized! For us, it also offered a really personal and intimate quality to our special day. Our first dance was in our living room surrounded by friends and family. Our speeches were done at sunset on our back deck with our puppies running around the yard. I got to use my own bathroom and could touch up my make up, hair or reapply deodorant as needed. I could go to my bedroom if I needed a moment to myself. Our home now has the added sentiment of memories of our wedding day. And there's nothing like waking up in your own bed... your.. Marital Bed! We got to use all the left over food for the following weeks for meals or snacks. I portioned out leftover meat and side dishes into multiple freezer bags for quick meals later on. I was worried at times that having the wedding reception at home would feel too relaxed,  or not 'special' enough. But it wasn't like that at all. Everything seemed super euphoric and happy, and although there was a feeling of comfort it was still an exciting night.
(savings on renting a venue $300-$1000)


#7 Think outside of the Box

I wanted to spend the night before the wedding in a hotel room with my best friend/Maid of Honor. So, I booked a room at the most economically priced and centrally located place... The Motel 6! It was perfect!  Location wise, it was only a five minute drive to the church and the MAC cosmetics department at the mall!
(With taxes it was $119, but compared to the "swanky" downtown luxury hotels it was a savings of $100-$200)

Also.. I went to Starbucks the morning of the wedding day and said to the barista, "I'm getting married today!"... and guess what? Free lattes for me and my maid of honor! Boo Ya!
(savings $10)

Instead of going to a special salon or spa, I chose to get my make up done at MAC Cosmetics in the local mall. It's a great deal! For $50 worth of product you get a free make up application! For my purchase I bought the foundation and the lipstick she used so I could touch up later through out the evening!
(savings $65-$110)

For my hair stylist I decided to check out some 'fresh new talent'! On Kijiji there was an ad for a young hair stylist who was looking to expand their clientele. She works at a well known, higher end salon in town and was looking to expand her own business. The salon she works in normally charges $70-110 for bridal up do's. After negotiations she offered to charge only $60 for my bridal hair, $50 for my Maid of Honor and $20 for each of the Flower Girls... plus she came to our hotel for free!
(savings of $10-$50.00)

Although to some people it's considered 'taboo' we decided to go with email invitations. This not only saves money on the cost of the invitations themselves but also for the cost of stamps... which are crazy expensive these days! I personally also find that invitations always just get thrown in the garbage anyway!
(savings: $300-$400)


#8 Let your friends and family help you

I'm a 'fiercely independent woman' as my, now, husband describes me. I personally find it hard to let others help me because ever since i was a child I've always had a 'I want to do it all by myself' attitude. But when it came to planning a budget wedding I needed to drop my 'I'll do it myself' attitude and let others be there for me. We didn't really need to 'ask' for help because we had such a huge out pouring of people offering help with everything.

In the weeks and months leading up to the wedding I would have my mom come over and we started deep cleaning the house together; washing all the baseboards, cleaning out behind appliances, washing the windows inside and out, sanding and painting our back deck. She was a huge help! And it gave us mother-daughter time together :)

Our Groomsmen and a couple of their girlfriends helped us get the house ready the morning of the wedding. They were setting up the tables, candles, linens, serving dishes, tidying up the house, out picking wild flowers and then arranging them through out the house. My aunt offered to cover our wine costs for the event and she also did my moms hair and makeup for the big occasion. My maid of honor prepared her famous Mango Chutney Turkey burgers and a Mushroom Quinoa side salad. She was also fully prepared for any emergencies with her well packed, extra large suitcase (which included champagne glasses {wrapped in towels} for our morning mimosas at the Motel 6! And I quote her, "We will NOT drink champagne out of plastic cups!" lol)

My In Laws provided serving wear, extra champagne glasses, an extra outdoor table and made delicious side dishes including my favorite appetizer of all... Deviled Eggs! My mom lent me her fine china for fancy dishware. My cousin served as a great organizer/planner for the 24 hrs leading up to the big "I do's". She had her own little note pad and pen and kept track of Everything! She also did the final touches on the bouquets while I was getting dressed. It was so wonderful to have my closest, nearest and dearest friends and family helping us out for our big day!

It's times like these where it's ok to lean on others for some help because, as your friends and family, it's really an honor for them to be there for you. Everyone was so happy and energized to help us out... we feel so incredibly loved and cherished :)
(savings: Priceless)

Overall, we pulled off a lovely and wonderful Thrifty yet Classy Wedding... And we did it Our Way! Don't succumb to all the evil temptations of the "Wedding Industry Monster"! Make your special day about what the two of you cherish and hold most important, and do it all in a price range that you can afford :)

Cheers,
Bootsy :)

Near Death Experience

When I was 6 years old I almost drowned.

I was at a local, outdoor community swimming pool with my mother on a sunny afternoon in St Albert, Alberta. I was in the shallow end of the pool and my mom was laying on her towel nearby beside the pool. Next to the edge, standing and chatting, were a group of young life guards enjoying the sunshine and joking around. I was told to stay in the shallow end but I also thought that there would be no harm in holding on to the side of the pool ledge and venturing a bit deeper... maybe just by a foot or two. I was pretty good at treading water, and it wasn't technically the 'deep end' so I felt pretty confident.

The pool was brimming with little, wet bodies, laughing and jumping into the pool from the sidelines. I was holding on to the edge, practicing my treading water here and there, when the waves from the kids cannon balling in beside me seemed to be getting quite intense. I turned and saw that I was now a foot away from the edge and the waves seemed to be coming non stop. This all happened within seconds. Then it started to get worse. One wave would go over my head, mouth full of water... I recall looking up at the lifeguards, silently begging for help with my eyes, while they stood feet away talking and joking. Again, my head went under and panic came over me. The water was taking me completely under.
I don't think I'm going to make it.

Then, all of a sudden, I remember this dark shadow flying over me, in slow motion... followed immediately by the biggest wave that completely and ferociously twisted my body and sent me spiralling down even deeper. Along with that huge and seemingly last fatal wave, came arms and hands that lifted my body completely out of the water, and held me up on high. My mother had come to my rescue.

She recalls the scene as having happened within seconds. She was nearby watching me in the shallow end, she laid down, kept checking on me visually. The next time she looked she couldn't see me. She got up immediately to then witness me going under the water and struggling for air. I was only one or two feet from the edge, she ran and took a flying leap over my body landing next to me in the water... causing that large, cannon ball wave that seemed so deadly to me at the time. The water was only 5 feet deep and she was able to stand on the floor of the pool when she lifted me up. She was absolutely furious with the life guards standing mere feet from me and we left immediately after she tore a strip out of them.

I was only 6 years old, but I knew then what had almost happened. I knew that my mother had saved my life. I remember that day vividly and I believe that it marked for me, in my little life at the time, the personal knowledge and understanding that my mother was truly my greatest Protector.

Cheers,
Bootsie :)

p.s.
Thank You Annie, I love you  xoxo

My Bachelorette Party: A Night of Elegant Debauchery

Welcome to the Ottawa Marriott Hotel's 20th floor suite, room 2031... the starting point of a fun and amazing journey known as "The Bachelorette Party".  Awe... Look at me all cute on the bed with my champagne bottles, tiara, my maid of honor's 'first communion' veil, and a "Bride to Be" Sash! Who wouldn't want to marry me!!???  Well, probably my ex-husband for starters... but I digress.

The evening starts off with my maid of honor showing up at the wrong "Marriott" hotel. Who would have know that there are five of them in the Ottawa area? That's OK though... I chillax in the Hotel lobby and touch up my lip gloss. Shortly thereafter she arrives with our other co-pilot for this magic carpet ride, who's carrying a big, Rubbermaid, storage container! I'm thinking, "This is going to be a good night".

We get to our suite on the 20th floor and move on to the most important part of the night... Drankin! Champagne bottles be poppin, the cheese is being cut (literally), mandatory hummus and asiago dips are being opened, and my laptop is blasting a well crafted, personally tailored 'Bachelorette Party' song list that includes: 'Ladies Night' by Kool and the Gang, 'Buttons' by the Pussycat Dolls and an obligatory New Kids on the Block song, 'Step by Step'.

Party Mode has just been cranked up to 11!

 *notice the cheese is called "Tipsy Wine Cheese"... how fitting :D

*only a partial view of The Parliament building but, Ahh, who are we kidding? We didn't come her for Politics... unless you're referring to the Politics of Boozing!

After two bottles of bubbly, getting our make up on and figuring out what we're going to wear for the evening we head down to the lobby where a dashing hotel attendant hails us a taxi... how very debonair!

We head to a great restaurant called SideDoor and take part in trying out their "renowned" tacos. After placing our order I make a joke about their 'famous' nine dollar tacos probably being the smallest tacos in the world... lol... and of course, they are. But Hey! We're at a fancy Ottawa Restaurant! Of course the food is going to be small and over priced... I'm not paying... it's all good! ;)

From there we head to Yuk Yuk's Comedy Club and are totally impressed with a triple, female comedian line up. These ladies were so funny! The headliner had opened for Jim Carey and Jerry Seinfeld! We had drinks, laughed and even mingled with the comedians after the show (I even became Facebook friends with one of them... I know right? Pretty intense). One of the male audience members was having his Bachelor Party that night as well... which probably explains why he was dressed in drag??? Is this a thing???  Anyway, he told me I was apparently on his "To Do" list for the night. Come on people.. I don't mean it like that...  I guess he was supposed to find and dance with a girl who's having her Bachelorette Party that same night. Bonjour! Let's Boogie!

*Did I mention he was very French?


This was a night of 'firsts' for me! I had never been to a comedy club before and I had also never been to a Gay bar before... So off to The Lookout we went! I really loved this place. It was so friendly and fun! We caught the tail end of a drag show which was amazing, had more drinks and danced. This place also marked my personal 'pony tail time' for the night. This is when, as a lady, you try to wear your hair down for as long as possible during a night out because you apparently "look better" with your hair down. At some point, you feel so hot and sweaty that you just can't stand your hair touching your face and neck anymore... and this is when 'pony tail time' happens!

So because we are young and inquisitive women we keep the party train rolling and head to a posh club called the Moscow Tea Room. Immediately I think... "Oh God... with all of the rising tensions in Russia and Ukraine how is this going to pan out??"  But, once we get there it seems pretty chill. The bar is filled with older, chivalrous Persian and European men. My maid of honor is in Heaven. She says to me, "Can we stay here forever?". The walls are filled with expensive bottles of vodka, large gold framed artwork and from the ceilings hang elaborate crystal chandeliers. This place is gorgeous! And so are the female bar tenders... holy crap! Apparently to work here you must be a 19 year old anorexic.That's cool though... my jealousy scale only hits a 6/10 when I think of how hungry they must be.

Obviously after a night of drinking and super, heavy "Bachelorette" Partying... one must consume greasy, unhealthy food. So we head to the worst place imaginable.... McDonald's!!! What better place to commit a violent slew of deadly 'Diet Sins' than Rotten Ronnie's on Rideau St?

We get our food and sit near the front window which was our first mistake. Of course... a fight breaks out. It's pretty hard to chew food and swallow when there's an imminent threat of danger.  We first see a small male employee escorting a large, angry male out of the restaurant followed shortly by another large, angry male and a group of people. The fight continues right outside our window where we're eating. This is obviously going to be a pleasant dining experience. On the side walk, just outside the window, the same two large men are now on the ground, and one of them is in a head lock. The guy 'giving the head lock' is making direct eye contact with me... through the window... while I'm eating my cheeseburger. This is so odd. I'm immediately at a loss for 'rules of etiquette' for this situation. Should I look away? Should I 'out stare' him? Should I express disapproval? Should I go 'Gladiator Style' and give the thumbs down to say 'Finish Him!'? I'm a nurse... should I try to break it up and provide medical assistance? So... Ultimately, I go with option F and say, "Let's get the Hell out of here!".

By the way, if you're ever visiting Ottawa, never offer a cab driver a credit card. They will become super irate and cranky and yell at you, "What!! No body has a ten dollar bill???!!! It's just Ten Dollars?? You don't have a ten dollar bill???!!!". This was the part of the night where I had my 'mega bachelorette bitch' moment and politely tore a strip out of the cabby. I let him have it and said, "It's 2014!!!! A credit card is a perfectly acceptable form of payment!" Let that be a lesson to him. Bachelorette-1, Cabby-0


All in all, it was good ole fashioned fun! Of course, I'm excluding various stories of excessively indulgent and debaucherous acts that totally took place during the night... but would be uncouth to blog about ;)


I'll end this with a new Pinterest trend of a Before and After shot of the Bachelorette Party...


Before:    Bride, 7:30pm

Morning After:       9:20am

Cheers,
Bootsy :)

My Rental Property: And Tales of Silly Tenants

For the past five years I've been renting out a one bedroom condo that I bought in 2008 (smart eh? recession.. lower housing prices... you get the idea).  I've rented out to students, working adults, working-students, males, people with dogs, people with cats, and so on and so forth. To say that it's been a learning experience is a staggering understatement. What I've come to realize (although I was pretty convinced of this beforehand) is that people are very Silly. And by Silly I mean Stupid.

I'll start off by saying that overall, renting out my condo has been a positive and financially beneficial experience. Having the rental unit located in Kingston is a plus as well. There are plenty of Colleges, the Queen's University, prisons, hospitals, and a Military base which provide lots of individuals (students, working professionals, Army Dinks) who require lodgings.

The key to being a good landlord is being able to read people and picking out the potential 'good ones' from the group. I've lived in a lot of places in my life and have met more people then I would care to, however, it's given me a pretty good 'people radar'. Sometimes I feel like Sherlock Holmes when interviewing for a tenant. I notice everything. When finding a tenant you can't be an eager beaver and desperate for that first and last month's rent cheque. You have to be calm, patient, and very suspicious! I come by that latter quite naturally.

Even with my excellent 'people radar', I've gone against my 'gut feeling' before, and given people the benefit of the doubt (I won't be doing that again).

For example, I once had this young female tenant aspiring to be a police officer. I should have said 'no' on the spot just based on that. But I thought to myself, well, if she's working with the Police Department and trying to become an officer she'll have to behave and be an 'upstanding citizen' (*I could barely write that last sentence with out coughing). My first assessment of her upon meeting was that she was very 'young minded' (aka: 'not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed', aka: 'dumb'), her over bearing mother was with her, and she had nervous, 'flighty' energy.... all the classic warning signs that I should have listened to. But I tried to think rationally, and think to myself 'Be Nice'.

Needless to say, things went bad quickly. The day she moved in to be precise. I was called at home by the property manager's minion and notified that the tenant had damaged the stairwell walls while moving in. Pictures were taken of the damage; scuff marks, scratched paint, and dents in the dry wall. At first I was skeptical, how do I know these marks weren't always there. I then talked to the tenant who admitted to doing 'some' of the damage, but not all of it. She then told me that she signed a piece of paper that the minion provided, claiming responsibility for the damages. OK.. so, she's accepting responsibility here, this is good. Well... it's good until the bill comes around. The condo corporation sent me the bill for damages (because I'm ultimately responsible for my tenant..and our lease agreement didn't specify damages incurred outside of the rental unit). The damages came to $620.00!!  I brought it up with the condo board that this amount seemed ridiculous but, they wouldn't drop it or even lower it. I offered my tenant a deal.. I would pay half of the damages. I felt bad for her at the time... and I knew that she probably didn't make very much money.

When I made the offer to her she was furious. She said, "I'm not paying them anything! That's stupid!". I was thinking a big, fat, "UH OH!". She eventually agreed to pay her half, and I offered her a payment plan... She could put $75/month towards the bill. She eventually agreed and paid $75 with one month's rent cheque. (*Not to mention she never once thanked me for offering to pay half of the damages).

Soon after that she emailed me saying she couldn't afford the condo anymore and was moving.
I said that once her half of the damages were paid, I would release her from our lease agreement. She refused and high tailed it out, filling out some 30 day notice form that she was leaving. Quite frankly I was very glad to get rid of her. She said to me, "I give you my word that I'll pay you the rest as soon as I get it."  Needless to say, I've never received another dime from her and that was over a year ago. The cost of taking her to small claims court over the issue would have cancelled out what she owed me anyway.

My most recent tenant texted me in the middle of the winter and said, "It's snowing in my bedroom... I think the window's broken!". I immediately thought to myself, the window's probably not shut properly. The tenant then assured me %100 that the window was in fact closed properly. When I went over the next evening (while she was at work) to look at the "broken window", I immediately deduced that the window was in fact Open! Not by very much, but it was definitely not 'Closed'. I could tell because the window frame wasn't lining up properly, it was probably about 0.5cm open.

Now, I know what you're thinking. "Bootsy... give the tenant a break, that's such a tiny opening... it's not like she's a scientist or anything." WRONG!!... she's in school to be a Laboratory Technologist!!! These people are supposed to be able to identify the smallest living microbes on EARTH!!  Give me a break lady!! Work with me here people. Sooooo... I had to Thaw the entire window with a hair blow dryer because ice had collected within the "OPEN' window frame making it impossible to close. After an hour of hair blow drying, wiping, wiggling, pushing and pulling... I finally got the window shut and locked.

I texted the tenant that night and told her what had happened and how I fixed it, and that it took an hour of 'defrosting'. She answered me back immediately with, "Did you put the plastic insulation back up around the window when you were done?"
Oh Sweet Lord Baby Jesus give me the strength. So, I mustered up a polite response and said, "No.. but the window is shut now so you won't need the plastic anymore." (the plastic was collecting snow inside it... not to mention moisture and potential water damage). She answered back with, "Oh that's OK.. I'll put it back up just in case it's not fixed."

No, "Thank You".  No, "Wow, I feel like such a huge idiot! I'm so sorry". No, "Oh my God I should not become a Laboratory Technologist!!"... Nothing.  But, that's what you get when you have to deal with "Silly" tenants. Is the rental money worth it? Is it worth the stress and ridiculousness?  The jury's still out on that one.

Cheers,
Bootsy

Weddings: And Tales of the Evil "Wedding Industry Monster"

Sometimes weddings make me angry.

I don't say this because I'm currently stressing out planning my own wedding (well, maybe a little). I blame it on this whole "Wedding Industry Monster" created by society that keeps getting over fed by little girls who grew up with a deluded dream of a 'Cinderella Wedding'. It also seems that family and friends also feed into this 'wedding monster' with their own expectations and ideas about what you "really should have" for your big day. There are countless shows on T.V. that sensationalize and promote these grand, expensive wedding themes and create this sort of expectation of what you need to do - And it's all so very frustrating.

When I hear women talk about their wedding day, they speak of it as if it's the only day in their life where they get to be a princess. These women make it sound as if this is their ONE day  to be truly special. You hear them loudly proclaiming, "This is MY day!".  This is just really sad. If your wedding day is your only chance to feel truly important and special then you are living a very pathetic existence. And to all the Bridezilla's out there- stop saying it's "MY day".  There's also a Groom who's getting married... so it's "YOUR day"... together.. two people.. marriage.

Another point that I find really upsetting about Weddings these days is that it seems like people have forgotten the true meaning of why they're getting married. It's about celebrating your new union together with family and friends. That's the beginning and the end of it. Of course it's very deep seeded and traditional to celebrate with specific things such as food, music, dancing, and so on. But the 'Wedding Industry' has turned it all into a big fat, hungry 'Wedding Monster'. Now getting married has become an endless list of things you have to do for your special day. You need the best: Venue, Church, 2 or 3 photographers, video-grapher, appetizers, linens, crystal, party favors, 'save the date' invitations, formal invitations, midnight buffets, open bar, wine on every table, limousines for the wedding party (to the church- to the reception), flowers everywhere, bouquets, boutonnieres, elaborate lighting, smoke machines, a rehearsal-followed by a rehearsal dinner, a party bus for guests, dessert buffets, a fancy wedding cake, entertainment, pre-wedding mani's/pedi's/hair/make-up/spray tan/waxing, special wedding night lingerie, Thank You cards, photo booths for guests, a Grand Exit Celebration, and a Honey Moon!

*Not to mention prior to the wedding: An engagement party, Engagement photo shoot, Stag & Doe, Bachelorette Party, Bachelor Party, Bridal Shower.... Good Sweet Moses... I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

Another point of contention I have with Weddings is that it's generally viewed as 'unacceptable' and 'tacky' to ask for 'cash only/monetary' gifts. These are usually the same people who have no problem sticking out their grubby paws and asking for money by creating their own "Stag & Doe" party, where they ask friends and families to buy tickets to celebrate their upcoming nuptials. I'm sorry...maybe I'm slow. But that seems completely hippo-critical.

Back to the Wedding Monster- do you know what the Wedding Monster's favorite food is???  MONEY! And it will eat all of your money... including all the money you can BORROW from the bank!  I seriously think that people who work in the Wedding Industry think we all have "SUCKER" written on our foreheads. I recently read someone's wedding blog where they tried to justify and rationalize all the money they spent for their wedding. The author said it was all worth it because with it she created a "singular emotional experience". *Cough*... I call 'Bull-S*#T"!  That's one bloody expensive emotional experience. Guess what lady? You can get those for free. And don't even get me started on people who go into debt for a big wedding.. that literally makes ZERO sense... much like those people in general.

Your wedding is a special day where you and your partner celebrate your new union together with your loved ones. Above and beyond that, it's whatever you TWO want it to be. There's absolutely NO reason that justifies going into debt for this occasion and buying into the Wedding Industry's deluded vision of what you NEED for your wedding- the same goes for your friends and families expectations. I realize it's hard not to fall victim to other people's demands.. let alone your own unrealistic, delusional, expensive demands. Try to remember what's most important on your wedding day and say to yourself, "As long as I'm with the person I Love, and getting married to them... that's all that really matters" :D

Cheers,
Bootsy :D

Styling For Your Age: And Tales of Midlife Fashion Disasters

It has come to my attention that a large number of women over the age of 40 are stuck in a fashion rut. Most of the time they appear to dress and style themselves as they did in their twenties. I imagine the reason behind this is because this is the period of their life when they feel they were at the pinnacle of their youth and beauty and somehow they become trapped in an endless quest to maintain that. In our twenties, we finally figure out who we are and what we like. We are independent and making our own money so we can buy whatever makeup and clothes we want without fear of our mothers shaking their heads at us. In our twenties we are at the peak of our youth and eager to express ourselves.

The mistake that I see a lot of women making is that in their attempt to maintain their looks and continue expressing themselves through fashion and styling, they somehow get stuck in the past. I don't think this is at all intentional. Women honestly think they've found what 'works for them' and just keep going with it. Well ladies.. it's time to stop the insanity. If you're doing your makeup and dressing the way you were in your twenties you need a big, fricken wake up call. Quite honestly ladies.. it's painful to look at you.

We all know at least a handful of these women and, seriously, your friends won't tell you this stuff.  But do not fear! All is not lost. There's still time to change your ways and let the rest of the world see that Goddess that you truly are!

Here is a list of suggestions. And by suggestions I mean 'for the love of God ladies please listen to me!'

-If you have a favorite outfit that you currently wear that is more than ten years old, get rid of it immediately. (unless it's vintage.. but I highly doubt it.)

-(This one seems silly but it's actually happening) If you have makeup that is over ten years old, get rid of it! And go see your Doctor immediately.

-If you are over 40 you should never wear/do any of the following (some of the following apply to ladies of any age. Please use your own discretion):

Blue eye liner/eye shadow
Face/body glitter
Mini skirts (anything shorter than two inches above the knee... depending on the state of your knees :S )
Farrah Fawcett Hair
Frosted pink lipstick
Panty hose with open toed shoes/sandals
Jeans with pleats or acid washed jeans
Orange or Hot pink blush
Plucking you eyebrows halfway above and halfway below your eyebrows
Perms
Raccoon eyes (aka improper under eye circle coverage. If you don't know what this is Google it.. then make sure it's not secretly happening to you)
Facial foundation that's ten times lighter than the rest of your body
Improperly executed 'smoky eyes' (aka Black eyeliner around your whole eye)
Nose rings
Bold eye makeup paired with bold lipstick (you can only pick one.. not both!)
Short hair styles that look like Edith Bunker from the All in the Family (if you're over 40 you'll know the reference)
Short spiky hair (reference: Annie Lennox circa 1990)
Over doing it with botox and injectable fillers

Ladies, I understand you may be thinking to yourself, "Great! What the hell am I supposed to do now?" Well, I wouldn't lead you this far with out extending some extra needed guidance. There are some excellent articles out there that talk about, "Styling for your Age". Don't feel overwhelmed... Feel Inspired!!

Check out these links!

Age Appropriate Hair
http://www.redbookmag.com/beauty-fashion/celebrity-hairstyles/age-appropriate-hair#slide-1

How To Dress For Your Age
http://www.harpersbazaar.com/fashion/fashion-articles/how-to-dress-your-age-0513

Is Your Makeup Aging You?
http://www.marieclaire.com/hair-beauty/trends/makeup-age-old

Cheers,
Bootsy!

Shameful Poops No More!

Perhaps it's always been this way, but in today's society women are completely ashamed and mortified about their poop.  I am writing this blog in hopes that it may provide a beacon of hope for your bum as well as liberate you from any anxiety you may have about dropping your 'Keester Cakes'!

Ladies... there is no need to feel embarrassed about this. It's a totally normal physiological process that everyone on earth experiences everyday... or several times a day. Don't fear these moments.. embrace them! The extent of some people's anxiety about 'Emptying the Manure Spreader' is quite astounding. I know of some women who are so paranoid about dropping the big 'Sea Pickle' at work that they literally will hold in their 'Cattle Cookies' until they get home. Other ladies have told me that they won't lay out their 'Captain's Log' until their husband is out of the house. Come on girls, let's not be ridiculous.

One of the first steps in gaining confidence in this area is realizing that everybody's shit stinks. It's just science. 

The next step is preparing yourself for a pleasant and safe 'bathroom experience'. Find yourself a nice, little, 'secret bathroom'. I call them 'The Secret Poo Bathrooms'... every work area has one. Perhaps it's that cozy, one stall bathroom in the basement of your work building, or maybe it's that private restroom at the mall that's supposed to be for "Families" only... well guess what? You've got a family of 'Sewer Serpents' ready to hit the toilet so get in there! 

Feeling a sense of privacy and control over the situation will help calm your nerves during this exciting and happy part of your day.

A helpful technique for 'smell reduction' is flushing the toilet while you're in the act of launching the 'Brown Missile'. This is also known as a 'courtesy flush'. The loud 'flushing' sound is also good cover for any embarrassing sounds coming from your 'Ham Flower'. It's always beneficial to carry a small bottle of body spray or scented hand lotion in your purse. This will help to counteract any nasty 'Black Banana' odors lingering around in the bathroom.

With all of this new found confidence and tricks of the trade you're well on your way to making 'Grunt Sculptures' like a champ!

Best of Luck ;)

Bootsy