17 Things You Never Knew About 'Only Children'

17 Things You Never Knew About 'Only Children'

Having grown up as an only child, I've been faced with many misconceptions and often negative stereotyping throughout my life. Contrary to popular belief only children are not all isolated, egocentric, Sociopathic, mini-Hitler's running around talking to our imaginary friends. You may think you have only children all figured out, but I'm here to clear the air about these 'white tigers' of society.

*Disclaimer: Not only did I grow up as an only child, I was also raised in a very low income household by a single, often overly anxious, mother in the 1980's. Soooo, while I'm presenting these evidence-based (AND not so evidence-based) Only Children Generalizations, keep in mind that my biased opinions are of the Paranoid, Ghetto-Ninja Variety.

Let's get started then!

#1. We're not as selfish as you think.

This is probably the most common misconception about only children. It's true that we weren't raised sharing our toys, books, food and personal space but, that doesn't automatically make us selfish people. I've met grown adults who were raised with siblings who are crazy selfish. This is most likely because as children they never had anything of their own; it was all up for grabs. Even though I was an only child, I had to practice sharing with younger cousins and other kids at school. And it was tough! If anything, only children had to put more effort into it than other kids with siblings who were just naturally used to having no sense of entitlement over anything (poor buggers).

#2. There are some super cool, famous Only Children representing.
Frank Sinatra, Franklin Roosevelt, Albert Einstein, Lance Armstrong, Natalie Portman, Robin Williams, Isaac Newton, Daniel Radcliffe, Charlize Theron, Anthony Hopkins, Elvis, John Lennon, Leonardo DaVinci, and Betty White were all raised as Only childen, and they turned out alright!

And let's not forget the King of Only Children (and Jews), the man himself... Jesus!

#3. We've been labeled as a disease.
A famous psychologist named Granville Stanley Hall published a study in 1896 called, "Of Peculiar and Exceptional Children" where he stated that, "Being an only child is a disease in itself". Ouch!

#4. We've got a touch of the 'OCD'.
Let's just say, we're not used to having our things 'touched' or 'moved about'. Given that we weren't raised with other grubby handed little children mucking about with our things, we are quite accustomed to having things a specific way and in a specific order. Only children have built in sense of security by having a routine. I have a particular way I make my coffee in the morning and a particular place on the couch where I always sit. I do not sit in any other place in the living room. Ever. And if I have a guest over visiting, and they proceed to sit in my favorite seat, I'm most likely silently battling a scaled down version of a panic attack.

#5. We are more likely to get divorced.
I would totally argue against this blatant and cruel generalization against only children if it wasn't for the sole fact that it comes from an actual, legitimate research study... AND because I'm kind of divorced. Whoops.

According to researchers at Ohio State University, Onlies are more likely to get divorced than people who grew up with siblings. With each added sibling in the family the risk of divorce is decreased by roughly 2 percent. Another popular way to minimize the likelihood of divorcing later in life: Don't marry a dink hole. (for further information on this topic please refer to my article 'Don't Marry Him')

#6. We like our 'private time'.
It probably goes without saying that we enjoy doing things by ourselves. It's just what we're used to! When I go to the bathroom when I'm out somewhere at a club or something, I don't need all my girlfriends to come with me. I'm probably going to the bathroom to get some 'alone time' for a few minutes in an attempt to regain my sanity from an 'Over Exposure to Other Human Beings'.
Don't get me wrong... Onlies like doing stuff with their friends and family but, in all honesty, we'd probably rather do it without you. No offence.

That being said, we're not huge fans of team sports either. Here's the 'Team Sports Equation' that goes through our minds:
'Multiple Human Beings' + 'Competitive Sports' + 'High Risk of Injury' - 'Parental Supervision' = 'I Think I Just Pooped My Pants'.

#7. We are more happy than people with siblings.
"Researchers with the Institute for Social and Economic Research questioned 2,500 young people and found that only children are happier than those with brothers and sisters, mainly because they don’t have to compete with a sibling. They also found that 'happiness declines the more siblings there are in a household.' " (The Telegraph, 2015)

#8. We grow up faster.
The only child's main source of socialization is with their parents. We spend a great deal of time learning and studying adult interactions and behavior which we then go on to mimic at an earlier age.

That being said, it's not hard to see that Onlies sometimes find it difficult to identify with their own peer group. I remember being a small child watching other children my age play and thinking to myself that they looked like they were crazy. I couldn't relate. As a child, I was more likely to want to sit and have a proper conversation with my teacher than play with other kids.

"Children with siblings relate and talk to their siblings rather than their parents. The only child’s primary role models are parents. The result is that only children copy adult behavior as well as adult speech patterns and develop good reasoning skills early on making them better equipped to handle the ups and downs of growing up. A good thing, for sure."
-Dr. Susan Newman, Social Psychologist (Only Children Stereotypes)

#9. We dealt with a lot of pressure to make something of ourselves.
For our parents, we're basically IT! It's up to us to make them proud and due to that added pressure we tend to be high achievers who often battle with perfectionism. That being said, it's not surprising that we also tend to do better in school!

"The more brothers and sisters that children have, the lower their grades are in school, a new nationwide study shows. The results, which include data from 24,599 eighth graders, suggest that academic achievement drops as families grow because parents have less time and economic resources for each child." (Ohio State University)

#10. We felt like 'one of the adults' ever since we were kids.
Having grown up with mainly adults around, Onlies tend to feel like their parents are their equals. When I was 3 years old, I learned that my mom's real name wasn't "mom". It therefore made no logical sense to me to call her 'mom' when that wasn't her "real name". She called me by my "real name" so I should be calling her by her "real name". This wasn't a decision I made in order to be rebellious or mean spirited. In all sincerity it just didn't make sense to me and I refused to do it. My mother naturally tried to get me to call her mom and eventually gave up thinking that I would someday just 'grow out of it' but, I never did. Sorry Carol.

#11. We find your super close, sibling relationships a bit creepy.
I've met brothers and sisters who are very close and super touchy feely, and it seriously weird's me out to no end. It's like watching Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia in 'Star Wars' and thinking to yourself, "God, will you two just do it and get it over with!" Even really close siblings of the same sex are quite off putting. I guess we, as onlies, just can't relate.

That being said, keep in mind that for an only child, nothing trumps the ultimate, anxiety-provoking, terrifying phenomena known as... TWINS! That s*@t just ain't right.

#12. We don't have to get 'our way' all time.
"Children with siblings often have more “who’s the boss” difficulties because they are constantly forced to share toys, television times, and parents. Kindergarten teacher Deejay Schwartz observes: 'It’s the ones who have been jostled and have had to compete who are always trying to push someone down, to be first in line or yell louder in order to be heard. Onlies have always been heard at home, and therefore function in a very calm way.' "
-Dr. Susan Newman, Social Psychologist (Only Children Stereotypes)

#13. We get lonely.
Despite everything I have just said, we do get lonely from time to time. When I was little I felt alone at times because there was no one to play with. Now as an adult, I see other people with siblings as having a wider support system and deeper family relationships (or at least the potential for them).

#14. We have no 'back up' for our childhood memories.
As far as childhood memories go, we have no other person's recollections as a sort of memory 'back up file'. There's no other person that's been at our side all our life to remember how awesome it was when we played in the woods all day long and built forts, or to remember how angry mom was when she found out I convinced my 6 year old friend to steal cigarettes from his parents.

#15. We didn't necessarily have imaginary friends growing up.
As a very young child I remember hearing about this and thinking that the idea of kids having imaginary friends seemed completely schizophrenic. Having been raised in a very adult world, where thinking "realistically" and "logically" (note sarcastic air quotes) was essential to survival, I had no time for an imaginary anything!

#16. We can let things get Quiet.
It probably makes sense that given our amount of alone time growing up (and a lack of noisy siblings), Onlies don't mind the quiet. In fact, we tend to seek it out and embrace it.

I often see people living these hectic lives that are constantly brimming with: large/group dinners, constant parties, shopping with friends, non-stop vacations, constant texting/talking on the phone, needing their friend's validation for every decision they make, working all the time, unable to go to coffee break or lunch alone at work, always needing the T.V. or radio on at home for background noise, etc. Ugh!!

It seems that these people have been so over stimulated all their life that now, as adults, they continue to seek out this constant state of hysteria and drama. I would literally go insane living like that.

#17. We saved our parents a fortune!
Obviously kids cost money. Given that there was only one of us to look after, Onlies were definitely easier on the old bank account. According to a recent article from Moneysense, the cost of raising a child, in Canada, till the age of 18 (just before his or her 19th birthday) is roughly $243, 660! And that figure doesn't include post-secondary education. (The Real Cost of Raising Kids, 2011)



So there you have it! If this article has got you thinking about a close friend of yours who's an only child, and you'd like to pop by their house to say 'Hi' and catch up... a word to the wise; just text them instead. Then proceed to reread this entire article because you obviously didn't get the message the first time around.

Cheers,
Bootsy

The First Trimester: Feeling Happy, Excited and Nauseated

Hello, and welcome to your first Trimester! Although it's a very happy and exciting time, I'll warn you... it's not all fun and games here. I'm currently 10 weeks pregnant and most of the time I feel like a cancer patient, except instead of losing weight, I'm gaining. All kidding aside... I feel very blessed to have a little life growing inside me and I already can't wait to meet the little fella (yes... cliche alert!... I already think I'm having a boy). HOWEVER, that being said, I'd like to take this time now to describe, in extreme detail, just how awful I feel and also share tips and tricks I've learned to help you survive this "wonderful time in your life".

Let's start off by discussing FOOD. 

It's a love-hate relationship at best right now. Every day is a new food craving partnered with a corresponding & opposite food aversion.  The really messed up part is that today's food aversion could very well be the food you were craving just yesterday! Let me elaborate... for example: I was craving pineapple last week. So, I bought a big, delicious, ripe pineapple and ate a crap load of it. The next day, I was completely repulsed by the idea of eating pineapple and a few days later threw out the remaining pineapple out of shear disgust. Super! 

Most of the day I feel hungry but at the same time I'm completely grossed out by food. An empty stomach is when you're most likely to feel the most nauseous and it's probably the worst time to try to eat. But eating will help the nausea. At first water was too hard on my stomach so I drank Gatorade which seemed to sit better.

At first, when I was about 4-5 weeks pregnant I was craving the typical "pregnancy foods" like pickles, ice cream, McDonald's Cheeseburgers and potato chips (*note: my nausea didn't kick in until week 6). Now, at 10 weeks all that stuff is a big turn off! I can barely eat anything that's overly sweet (like cookies or chocolates), or anything deep fried, or meat, ugh! It's all super gross-balls for me right now. But by tomorrow it could all change. My husband can't keep up with the daily changes so now everyday he just asks if I'm still eating: "hard boiled eggs on toast", or "all bran cereal with skim milk", "cheese & crackers" or "baked potatoes"... all of which I am currently tolerating pretty well. The absolute worst offenders for food right now is: chicken, salad/lettuce, garlic, onions, fried eggs, fish, beef (any kind of meat really), hot food (as in temperature), chocolate, coffee and anything that has a super strong odor. 

Which brings me to my next topic...

Sense of SMELL!

Ok, so if your reading this article from another part of the world I can probably smell you right now. I can smell the coffee in Brazil. If you quit smoking in 2003 you probably smell like an ashtray to me. It's not a myth about pregnant women having an enhanced sense of smell and I seriously feel so bad for dogs right now. Their sense of smell is a million times better than humans. Life must be so awful for them. An enhanced sense of smell is believed to be a large part of what makes pregnant women feel nauseous. It's the fact that everything stinks. My kitchen is the worst place for me to be right now because I can smell all of the food in the fridge, the disgusting food decomposing in the compost (even though there's only 3 things in it), the disgusting garbage and even clean dishware smells dirty to me. I literally have to hold my breathe every time I open the fridge door. My husband normally has a really keen sense of smell but he says he doesn't notice anything 'off' meanwhile I'm constantly ranting about how gross our house smells.

To cope with the overwhelming odor of everything I started closing my bedroom door and opening the window for fresh air. When I feel nauseated and overwhelmed by 'kitchen smells' I can go to my bedroom and it's cool and smells like fresh air. Also, having a hot bath with nice smelling body wash or bubble bath can be a nice escape and relaxing.

I used to LOVE coffee! I was one of those crazy coffee lovers. I was so addicted that it was the one thing I would never give up for Lent and I always felt so guilty that I would never surrender that one thing for Baby Jesus, but I figured he'd forgive me every year anyway... so I guess we're cool. But NOW, I cannot stand the smell of fresh brewed coffee or the taste of it... it's on the worst offender list. And it's so putrid to me that I don't even miss it or feel sad about it. The closest I can get to drinking coffee is instant decaf coffee but that's only when I'm trying to 'trick my bowels' into having a poop.

Which brings me to my next topic... (*TMI Alert*)

POOPING!

Or lack there of I should say. I used to have great poops! Sometimes two or three big, healthy cattle cookies a day! Life was great! NOW, I'm lucky if I can squeeze out one crusty, little chicken nugget every 48 hours. Whether it be due to the progesterone that slows down the intestinal tract mobility or all of the iron in the prenatal vitamins... there's definitely been a big 'hold up' at the poop factory during this pregnancy.

Through trial and error over the past 5 weeks I have just recently been having better success in this area. Here are a few things I've done to help out my Pooper:

1) I started eating all bran cereal everyday for breakfast
2) Instead of just eating soda crackers for nausea I've started snacking on baby carrots and dip as
    well (more fiber)
3) Drinking more water and fluids (aim for 1-2 liters a day)
4) I've opted for a lower iron multivitamin paired with a separate folic acid vitamin (which my
     pharmacist said was fine)
5) Orange flavored Metamucil in plain, cold water or mixed into a fruit smoothie
6) I started walking more (sometimes twice a day)

I think suffering from constipation was also contributing to my nausea. When you think about your gut being full of rotting, 4 day-old turds how could you not feel like gagging???

Which brings me to my biggest, most annoying problem thus far...

NAUSEA

Oh Lord, the nausea! I think I'd rather have severe pain than nausea. I haven't thrown up YET... but, I constantly feel 'on the verge'. I can't imagine how bad it must be for women who throw up constantly and even have to be hospitalized with dehydration. I must seem like a total 'complainy-pants' to you guys who have suffered worse. I'm still going to complain though. What's the point of having your own blog if you can't rant every now and then?

So, I basically feel awful everyday. Morning sickness is a LIE! It should be called 'All Day" sickness and for me it gets worse as the day goes on. The evenings are the worst. I find as much as I don't want to do anything, getting out in the fresh air and going for a walk is always really helpful. Another great, enjoyable escape from feeling nauseated is a Big... Long... Delicious... NAP! (Haha! I know where you thought I was heading with that build up, but... no!  It was a penis that got me into all this mess and I'm not having anything to do with it for while ;)   

I find peppermint candies are great for a quick fix. Lemon water with ice is also quite refreshing. A lot of articles say ginger tea or ginger candies are helpful but I find the smell of ginger too strong right now. As soon as I wake up I drink a big glass of cold water and eat a few soda crackers which really helps counter the build up of acidic gastric juices. Brushing your teeth after meals helps because sometimes the lingering taste of food in your mouth can become really gross and bitter. There is an acupressure spot on the inside of your wrist that if you push hard into it it's supposed to help with nausea. There are bracelets you can buy specifically for it that have little balls that press into the spot. I have yet to try those out but I'd like too!

Another trick is not letting yourself get hungry. I have to eat every hour or two just to keep the nausea at bay. When I go to work or if I know I'll be out of the house for a few hours I have a little bag of snacks with me and water. I find that really helps! I have honey-oat granola bars (which aren't too sweet), clementines, apples, yogurt with granola, cheese and crackers, water and juice boxes. I feel like the official Snack Lady. It's the winter season here in Canada so they all keep really well in the car. The key is small, frequent meals/snacks. 

My doctor prescribed me a medication called Diclectin which is used for treating nausea in pregnant women. I did my own research on this drug before taking it and it's labelled as "Probably Safe" which, when you're pregnant, really doesn't make you feel safe at all. I've taken it for a few weeks and am now trying to take it more sporadically only when I feel I really need to. I figure the less medication I take while pregnant the better but, if I can have some much needed relief from nausea here and there I'll take that too! The medication doesn't completely take away the nausea but I find it definitely does help. It's a long acting pill so you take it at bedtime to help for the morning nausea (and it also helps you sleep) or you take it in the morning to help with afternoon/evening nausea.

Let's talk about Boobs!

My boobs are two things right now... Huge & Sore! One week after finding out we were expecting I had to go out and by a new bra because I immediately went from C cup to a D cup! Yikes!

Not only are my breasts gigantic, but they are sooooo sore! It's like constant pre-menstrual boobs. Big and sore and constantly in the way.  My aunt sent me these great Marilyn Monroe Sports Bras with removable cups that are super comfortable. She said later on in her pregnancy it helped for her to sleep with the sports bra on because having 'the girls' all willy-nilly all over the place was more painful. I also have a more bust-minimizing sports bra that I used to wear when I was exercising but now I wear it more regularly when I want to feel like I have 'normal' sized boobs OR when I want a bit less jiggle and bounce! Everything in moderation right?

Weight Gain

Soooo, I'm currently in this really awesome phase of pregnancy where I'm not my normal weight (I've gained about 5lbs) BUT... I don't look pregnant either! So, I basically just look like a women who let herself go and ate too many Christmas cookies and drank too much Eggnog over the holidays. Great! As a typical women, even at a 'healthy weight', I typically thought I needed to lose weight and tone up most of the time. So I have to keep reminding myself that I'm pregnant, and a small amount of weight gain at first is OK. Unfortunately, I read this one article that said you shouldn't gain any weight in your first trimester, and after further research I see now that that's complete Horse S*@t... but the words still haunt me to this day lol.

Here's a better depiction of Healthy Pregnancy Weight Gain:

My regular jeans no longer fit properly and are very uncomfortable. At first I would just keep squeezing myself into them thinking to myself, "It's too early on to be gaining weight!". Until I read a great article about another woman's experiences during her first trimester. She encouraged other pregnant women to stop trying to fit into their 'regular clothes' and just go out and buy a pair of pants that fit properly and allow yourself to feel comfortable. The writer even suggested that first trimester women should get a pair of stretchy maternity pants... which I did! And it's been amazing! So comfortable! I think it also helps reiterate the fact that You Are Pregnant... and you're just going to get bigger so get used to it! lol  I also went to Old Navy and found the 'Sweetheart boot cut' jeans I normally wear and bought a pair in a size 10 (my regular pair is a size 6). They are still a bit too big, but they are comfortable and I have some room to grow in them still!  It's amazing how much better you feel when you're wearing clothes that actually fit!

Well, there you have it! I hope you find this blog post both entertaining and informative. Best of luck with baby making OR (after reading this article) deciding to adopt instead!

What did you find helpful during your 'queasy' first trimester?

Cheers,

Bootsy

My Bachelorette Party: A Night of Elegant Debauchery

Welcome to the Ottawa Marriott Hotel's 20th floor suite, room 2031... the starting point of a fun and amazing journey known as "The Bachelorette Party".  Awe... Look at me all cute on the bed with my champagne bottles, tiara, my maid of honor's 'first communion' veil, and a "Bride to Be" Sash! Who wouldn't want to marry me!!???  Well, probably my ex-husband for starters... but I digress.

The evening starts off with my maid of honor showing up at the wrong "Marriott" hotel. Who would have know that there are five of them in the Ottawa area? That's OK though... I chillax in the Hotel lobby and touch up my lip gloss. Shortly thereafter she arrives with our other co-pilot for this magic carpet ride, who's carrying a big, Rubbermaid, storage container! I'm thinking, "This is going to be a good night".

We get to our suite on the 20th floor and move on to the most important part of the night... Drankin! Champagne bottles be poppin, the cheese is being cut (literally), mandatory hummus and asiago dips are being opened, and my laptop is blasting a well crafted, personally tailored 'Bachelorette Party' song list that includes: 'Ladies Night' by Kool and the Gang, 'Buttons' by the Pussycat Dolls and an obligatory New Kids on the Block song, 'Step by Step'.

Party Mode has just been cranked up to 11!

 *notice the cheese is called "Tipsy Wine Cheese"... how fitting :D

*only a partial view of The Parliament building but, Ahh, who are we kidding? We didn't come her for Politics... unless you're referring to the Politics of Boozing!

After two bottles of bubbly, getting our make up on and figuring out what we're going to wear for the evening we head down to the lobby where a dashing hotel attendant hails us a taxi... how very debonair!

We head to a great restaurant called SideDoor and take part in trying out their "renowned" tacos. After placing our order I make a joke about their 'famous' nine dollar tacos probably being the smallest tacos in the world... lol... and of course, they are. But Hey! We're at a fancy Ottawa Restaurant! Of course the food is going to be small and over priced... I'm not paying... it's all good! ;)

From there we head to Yuk Yuk's Comedy Club and are totally impressed with a triple, female comedian line up. These ladies were so funny! The headliner had opened for Jim Carey and Jerry Seinfeld! We had drinks, laughed and even mingled with the comedians after the show (I even became Facebook friends with one of them... I know right? Pretty intense). One of the male audience members was having his Bachelor Party that night as well... which probably explains why he was dressed in drag??? Is this a thing???  Anyway, he told me I was apparently on his "To Do" list for the night. Come on people.. I don't mean it like that...  I guess he was supposed to find and dance with a girl who's having her Bachelorette Party that same night. Bonjour! Let's Boogie!

*Did I mention he was very French?


This was a night of 'firsts' for me! I had never been to a comedy club before and I had also never been to a Gay bar before... So off to The Lookout we went! I really loved this place. It was so friendly and fun! We caught the tail end of a drag show which was amazing, had more drinks and danced. This place also marked my personal 'pony tail time' for the night. This is when, as a lady, you try to wear your hair down for as long as possible during a night out because you apparently "look better" with your hair down. At some point, you feel so hot and sweaty that you just can't stand your hair touching your face and neck anymore... and this is when 'pony tail time' happens!

So because we are young and inquisitive women we keep the party train rolling and head to a posh club called the Moscow Tea Room. Immediately I think... "Oh God... with all of the rising tensions in Russia and Ukraine how is this going to pan out??"  But, once we get there it seems pretty chill. The bar is filled with older, chivalrous Persian and European men. My maid of honor is in Heaven. She says to me, "Can we stay here forever?". The walls are filled with expensive bottles of vodka, large gold framed artwork and from the ceilings hang elaborate crystal chandeliers. This place is gorgeous! And so are the female bar tenders... holy crap! Apparently to work here you must be a 19 year old anorexic.That's cool though... my jealousy scale only hits a 6/10 when I think of how hungry they must be.

Obviously after a night of drinking and super, heavy "Bachelorette" Partying... one must consume greasy, unhealthy food. So we head to the worst place imaginable.... McDonald's!!! What better place to commit a violent slew of deadly 'Diet Sins' than Rotten Ronnie's on Rideau St?

We get our food and sit near the front window which was our first mistake. Of course... a fight breaks out. It's pretty hard to chew food and swallow when there's an imminent threat of danger.  We first see a small male employee escorting a large, angry male out of the restaurant followed shortly by another large, angry male and a group of people. The fight continues right outside our window where we're eating. This is obviously going to be a pleasant dining experience. On the side walk, just outside the window, the same two large men are now on the ground, and one of them is in a head lock. The guy 'giving the head lock' is making direct eye contact with me... through the window... while I'm eating my cheeseburger. This is so odd. I'm immediately at a loss for 'rules of etiquette' for this situation. Should I look away? Should I 'out stare' him? Should I express disapproval? Should I go 'Gladiator Style' and give the thumbs down to say 'Finish Him!'? I'm a nurse... should I try to break it up and provide medical assistance? So... Ultimately, I go with option F and say, "Let's get the Hell out of here!".

By the way, if you're ever visiting Ottawa, never offer a cab driver a credit card. They will become super irate and cranky and yell at you, "What!! No body has a ten dollar bill???!!! It's just Ten Dollars?? You don't have a ten dollar bill???!!!". This was the part of the night where I had my 'mega bachelorette bitch' moment and politely tore a strip out of the cabby. I let him have it and said, "It's 2014!!!! A credit card is a perfectly acceptable form of payment!" Let that be a lesson to him. Bachelorette-1, Cabby-0


All in all, it was good ole fashioned fun! Of course, I'm excluding various stories of excessively indulgent and debaucherous acts that totally took place during the night... but would be uncouth to blog about ;)


I'll end this with a new Pinterest trend of a Before and After shot of the Bachelorette Party...


Before:    Bride, 7:30pm

Morning After:       9:20am

Cheers,
Bootsy :)

Weddings: And Tales of the Evil "Wedding Industry Monster"

Sometimes weddings make me angry.

I don't say this because I'm currently stressing out planning my own wedding (well, maybe a little). I blame it on this whole "Wedding Industry Monster" created by society that keeps getting over fed by little girls who grew up with a deluded dream of a 'Cinderella Wedding'. It also seems that family and friends also feed into this 'wedding monster' with their own expectations and ideas about what you "really should have" for your big day. There are countless shows on T.V. that sensationalize and promote these grand, expensive wedding themes and create this sort of expectation of what you need to do - And it's all so very frustrating.

When I hear women talk about their wedding day, they speak of it as if it's the only day in their life where they get to be a princess. These women make it sound as if this is their ONE day  to be truly special. You hear them loudly proclaiming, "This is MY day!".  This is just really sad. If your wedding day is your only chance to feel truly important and special then you are living a very pathetic existence. And to all the Bridezilla's out there- stop saying it's "MY day".  There's also a Groom who's getting married... so it's "YOUR day"... together.. two people.. marriage.

Another point that I find really upsetting about Weddings these days is that it seems like people have forgotten the true meaning of why they're getting married. It's about celebrating your new union together with family and friends. That's the beginning and the end of it. Of course it's very deep seeded and traditional to celebrate with specific things such as food, music, dancing, and so on. But the 'Wedding Industry' has turned it all into a big fat, hungry 'Wedding Monster'. Now getting married has become an endless list of things you have to do for your special day. You need the best: Venue, Church, 2 or 3 photographers, video-grapher, appetizers, linens, crystal, party favors, 'save the date' invitations, formal invitations, midnight buffets, open bar, wine on every table, limousines for the wedding party (to the church- to the reception), flowers everywhere, bouquets, boutonnieres, elaborate lighting, smoke machines, a rehearsal-followed by a rehearsal dinner, a party bus for guests, dessert buffets, a fancy wedding cake, entertainment, pre-wedding mani's/pedi's/hair/make-up/spray tan/waxing, special wedding night lingerie, Thank You cards, photo booths for guests, a Grand Exit Celebration, and a Honey Moon!

*Not to mention prior to the wedding: An engagement party, Engagement photo shoot, Stag & Doe, Bachelorette Party, Bachelor Party, Bridal Shower.... Good Sweet Moses... I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

Another point of contention I have with Weddings is that it's generally viewed as 'unacceptable' and 'tacky' to ask for 'cash only/monetary' gifts. These are usually the same people who have no problem sticking out their grubby paws and asking for money by creating their own "Stag & Doe" party, where they ask friends and families to buy tickets to celebrate their upcoming nuptials. I'm sorry...maybe I'm slow. But that seems completely hippo-critical.

Back to the Wedding Monster- do you know what the Wedding Monster's favorite food is???  MONEY! And it will eat all of your money... including all the money you can BORROW from the bank!  I seriously think that people who work in the Wedding Industry think we all have "SUCKER" written on our foreheads. I recently read someone's wedding blog where they tried to justify and rationalize all the money they spent for their wedding. The author said it was all worth it because with it she created a "singular emotional experience". *Cough*... I call 'Bull-S*#T"!  That's one bloody expensive emotional experience. Guess what lady? You can get those for free. And don't even get me started on people who go into debt for a big wedding.. that literally makes ZERO sense... much like those people in general.

Your wedding is a special day where you and your partner celebrate your new union together with your loved ones. Above and beyond that, it's whatever you TWO want it to be. There's absolutely NO reason that justifies going into debt for this occasion and buying into the Wedding Industry's deluded vision of what you NEED for your wedding- the same goes for your friends and families expectations. I realize it's hard not to fall victim to other people's demands.. let alone your own unrealistic, delusional, expensive demands. Try to remember what's most important on your wedding day and say to yourself, "As long as I'm with the person I Love, and getting married to them... that's all that really matters" :D

Cheers,
Bootsy :D

Don't Marry Him!!

So I just read this great article discussing the 'not-so-comfortable' topic about possibly marrying the wrong person. Yikes!!! And just in case you were wondering, I can talk about this subject personally because I have experienced this First Hand ladies!!...so all the haters can shut their cake hole and listen up :D

Here's the article I read... but I think I can "one up" them in a few areas ;)
http://voices.yahoo.com/10-signs-shouldnt-marry-him-226071.html?cat=41

Okay.. so just off the top of my head here's my list of Red Flags:

1. How do they treat their Enemies?
Does your better half have a sick, twisted idea of revenging every wrong deed done against him and painting a world of hurt around each and every one of his enemies? Do they say things like, 'They'll get what they deserve." or "Paybacks a bitch!"? If you answered 'yes' consider this a big, fat, Red Warning Flag!  Because guess what? ... when things start going sour with you two, and the claws come out.. he's going to seek revenge on YOU. How do they treat their Ex-girlfriend or Ex-Wife?  If they relish in making other people's lives a living Hell.. then get ready to receive that flame thrower one day when the tables are turned and you're on the receiving end.

2. Are you helping him get out of Debt?
Sometimes it seems so 'convenient' when people all of a sudden find the love of their life.. as well as their Meal Ticket out of financial ruin. This really pisses me off because I've spent too many good years of my life helping someone else out of their debt.. all in the name of Love :) If I could go back in time ten years and kick myself in the ass I Would! Some people are such train wrecks that they naturally gravitate toward someone who's got their crap together. This new 'love of their life' is not only is their 'soul mate' but also offers the luxury of a Bright, Shining, Perfect credit rating! Wow! Must be true love. If you find yourself having to pay for everything and put all of your finances and purchases in YOUR name.. guess what? RED F-ing FLAG!!

3. Has that True Love of your Life ever cheated on you?
It's one thing to be pleasantly blindsided by this total, Dick-weed move.. but if you're going into a marriage with the knowledge that your partner is or has been unfaithful... Well, it's seems so stupid to even have to connect the dots here but... Big Friggin Red Flag People! The best part of infidelity is all the reasonable explanations that come up: "I was lonely", "I was drunk", "I was high", "I wasn't thinking straight baby.. it meant nothing!".  Trust me ladies.. there's hope for you. Seriously, there ARE men out there who don't have to stick their dick in everything that walks. Move on! Red flag.

4. Are you the reason for every problem?
Passive-Aggressive, Dick Head move 101: "No matter what you did wrong, blame the other person". This works for all kinds of bad deeds. If he spent the night out with friends and blew hundreds of dollars... well that was because IF he had asked you, you would have said 'No' anyway. Did he cheat on you? Well that was because you weren't fulfilling his needs sexually. Did he forget your Birthday or Anniversary.. well, you expect too much of him all the time and (here's my personal favourite line) "I can't do ANYTHING right". Well, he sure as hell hit the nail right on the head with that statement. If you can't talk about your problems without your partner turning the argument back on you... you guessed it. Red Flag.

5. Belittling you when you Cry
This here is the ultimate example of a real, class act gentleman. If you've just had an argument, and you're upset and crying does your 'better half' get a kick out of demeaning you with, "Keep crying you Cry Baby.", "Why don't you call your mother and tell her what a monster I am", "You're just crying to MANIPULATE me into feeling sorry for you." Just recalling these words that I've personally heard makes me so furious. If I was half the woman then, as I am now, things would have been SO different. I wouldn't have shed a tear for such a waste of a human being. That being said: Red Flag ladies.. move on.

#6. Does he behave 'inappropriately' with other women?
Maybe you're thinking.. "Get your crap together Bootsy.. you already covered this topic in #3: Cheating."  Well, once again, you're wrong. I'm talking about... well... just weird stuff. Maybe some things you can't really quite put your finger on but they that make you feel uncomfortable nonetheless. I don't know how many women DELUDE themselves with the "I don't care if my boyfriend go to the strippers", or "I don't mind that my boyfriend would rather whack off to Porn than have sex with me". Seriously!!??? Oh my God.. I get it ladies that your self esteem is in the toilet but could we just PRETEND for once to have some class or self respect??? When I hear women say this to me the first question I ask is, "Okay, lets say your man just came home from a night out at the strippers, got a few lap dances and is now super Horned up.. and wants it from you." Usually by this point in the scenario the woman has a totally disgusted look on her face and says, "I don't think so! He's not getting anything from me. But I don't care if he goes." I call bullshit!  Why would you even be Remotely Annoyed at him if you thought he didn't do anything wrong? Well.. I guess that would be easier than just admitting to yourself that, 'this sack of sh-t could do pretty much anything he wanted because I have the self esteem of a crack whore and am too terrified to lose him.'  I even know of situations where someone's about to marry a man who's been convicted multiple times of sexual harassment and being sexually inappropriate in the work place. I'm not sure where the line between innocence and ignorance lies.. but it's definitely something that should put up a big, fricken Red Flag!

#7. Would you hope to raise a son that would turn out to be just like your boyfriend?
Perhaps love IS blind... but I think this question evokes an instinctive, visceral reaction. Listen to that reaction ladies. If the thought of spawning a replica of your own personal Prince Charming makes you want to vomit and crap your pants at the same time... Red Flag!


Well, you get the idea. Or maybe you don't. I'm not saying that everyone's perfect and that no one can make any mistakes.. but I think there's a truth that lies within all of these extreme examples. Even if you're not ready to break it off with your partner, I think it's good to be honest with yourself about what you're getting into. There were definitely Red Flags that waved brightly in my face years ago.. I didn't listen to them. I didn't always stand up for myself and Love myself... but I believe that the first step in a relationship is being able to 'call a spade a spade', and looking at the truth even if it's not pretty. Even if it makes you feel sad. Own up to where you are in life, and who you're choosing to make a new life with. It can only help you ... and help prevent the spawning of demon children :D

Cheers,
Bootsy